Greenshots

2007-01-30T09:32:00.000-08:00

I had a thought, driving in to work today, does a couple days of feeling crappy will appease the karmic wheel when, when the day finally arrives to feel really good about yourself and your friends thoughtfulness? Cause they actually threw you a surprise birthday party but decided to let you think they’d forgotten or had other plans that day? If indeed there is to be a party in my future, I guess it would be my own fault not to organize one in favor of waiting to see…

Whatever happens, I am feeling particularly fragile these past few days due to that oh so convenient monthly *event* and so I hope you’ll all forgive my need to expel here the crappiness that my self(ish) esteem sees fit to unload on me.

2006-09-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

If you want to keep up with whatever I'm doing/posting when I am not at Purgatory join me here.

*waves*

2006-05-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

I seem to have forgotten my photobucket account information so I'm posting this here.

What?

2006-03-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

So here I am sick again. What is with this?? I am never sick more than once or twice a year and this is now my fifth time since the fall. Chest/sinus/throat..again. Came on as a tickle on Sunday night and was fullblown chest/throat by the time I woke Monday morning. I'm making a doctor's appointment today as this is getting ridiculous.

My mom tells me she'll be able to help me get a new(used) car next month so I should start looking now, also she is going to buy us a new couch for the livingroom as well...the fact that Steve and his extended family were living in there, until I trapped them all, has likely contributed to the repeated illnesses my son and I have been suffering from. Could also be that my sleep schedule has been on a short leash for quite a while now, combine that with giving blood every two months(seem to get sick right after those events) and all the activity I've had in the past couple months has perhaps contributed to my being rundown enough to be susceptible. Need to figure a way to balance the activities in my life and get enough sleep to keep going I guess.

This weekend there is the Edmonton Sportsman Show...our office and Calgary are all going to be manning it. I've booked myself in for Sunday 10a-5p. And if anyone is interested, Jason Maas is going to be at our booths from 4p-8p Thursday through Saturday giving autographs and helping out. Hmm...just thinking about when I am supposed to be there...does it conflict with the manhunt and cribbage tourney...must check on that.

This isn't much of a post.. but then I haven't been posting much lately, so this is an improvement I'd say..

2006-03-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I have a hole in my gastank. I think it is on or near the connection to the neck(where you fill) of the tank. Was at Sobey's on Monday and noticed the steady drip, drip, drip. Caught drip, smelled...is gas. Crap. And I don't have the money to get it fixed. So I will only fill the tank half full from now on. I've been driving this way for sometime apparently(yeah that's the gas smell I've noticed after a fill), a little longer hopefully won't hurt. Next month I either get it fixed or I get a new(likely used)car. If it last that long.

Ok, I'm off to bed.

P.S. In other news, seems I can now fit into a couple pair of pants I haven't fit into for a few years. 30lbs lost in the past month. *Is happy* And I've calculated...over the past 2 years I've lost a total of 70lbs, believe it or not.

Ok, now I'm off to bed.

More dreams..

2006-03-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

Though I am not sure how much I appreciate this one. That I am dreaming again(or at least remembering them) is great....but not when the dream has to do with crazy glueing your kitten back together.

In my dream I had just gotten a kitten. A pretty orange tabby. Well, she decided to follow me down the stairs into the basement of a house I used to live in years ago and she fell off the stairs about 10 feet down to the cement floor. *cringe* She just lay there and then tried to get up. I came down the stairs and went to her and saw that her fur in a complete diameter around her ribcage behind her front legs had come detached(like socks that have fallen down) and her ribcage and innerds were showing. Horrified I knew I couldn't get her to the pet doctor because it was the wee hours of the morning. So I decided that I would have to glue the cut together myself cause I didn't know how to do stitches. *ugh!* - Yesterday at work(this is IRL) I had some splits on my fingertips because my hands were so dry so I was putting bandaids and polysporin on them. My boss(Kelly) told me she usually puts Krazy Glue on small cuts on her hands to help protect and bond it until it is healed. This is actually practiced in first aid and you can buy this firstaid for cuts glue off the shelf also. But to use it on the poor kitten? And what the hell?

Recently, a wmp movie was being forwarded around the two offices here and in Calgary. It showed a Whitetail being shot...it was so graphic and gutwrenching that it almost made me physically ill and I'll tell you this, I won't be hunting animals(unless absolutely necessary, which it almost never is) again.

Dream Logic?

2006-02-28T11:22:00.000-08:00

I dreamed that I was being chased by two guys. I knew I wasn't going to be able to outrun them so I ran around a corner then ducked and lay down at the corner. When they came around I yelled out at them to scare them. They stopped and the second guy walks over to me and points to the first guy, he tells me that I only have to take the first guy as my second husband and that I would be his second wife...I got the feeling that the first guy really wanted me to be his first wife but he already had a first. I don't know...dream logic of some sort.

Funny thing is, I think I know where this comes from.

2006-02-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

Tuesday:
Back to work after an enjoyable long weekend, which was reasonable. After, I went to Taekwondo where we practiced kicks and self defense throwdowns. As I was getting up from being 'put on the floor' I heard a crunchy feel/sound under my left kneecap. Yes it hurt a bit, but I continued with the practice, kicks against the bag and block and punch moves. It wasn't until I got home and was getting out of the car that I really felt the extent of the injury. Weight on my knee while bent = more pain than I care to bear. Rodicon suggested icing...good idea there. It's about 90% now and with a little more rest(after Suburbs..what! Can't possibly not go!) I'll be good to go again on Monday.

Wednesday:
Grumpy. Grumpy at work especially. And for no really good reason except that the plastic covering on the ream of paper I was trying to open WOULDN"T come open. A Rip, Tear, Kill later and there were plastic bits in tatters on the floor, but embarassingly enough my boss saw the scene. Hmph. What's even worse, is twice this week a swear has been uttered from my mouth at work....in their presence...!

Thursday:
Started work at 8:30a and didn't leave until 9p. After the regular shift I had volunteered to help with Canadian Firearms Safety Course testing. I was certified as an instructor last month and this was the first opportunity to put the certification to use. And it was quite enjoyable. My first student was of Canadian Aboriginal decent and for a moment I thought how good this was to see her there and know she was doing this to be a positive influence in her circle and as a suppliment to the traditions her community celebrates. And she was so very nervous. She wouldn't look at me through the introduction to the test, she just stood there staring straight to her front like a soldier at attention. I realized she needed to be put at ease or we were going to have a hard time with this. I put down my clipboard and moved a step closer and told her to just relax, and that she was going to do fine.She looked at me then and told me she was drawing a complete blank. What came next is not something that needs to be explained in detail, just know it felt right to do at the time. And it worked. For both of us. She succeeded in passing the test though it took the longest time to complete. She did well, working through the problems and scenarios with encouragement where I was allowed to give. I came away with a positive first time too.
Afterwards I went to BP's and chatted with D about my Purgatory Character and now have a firm idea that will translate well not just on paper but in action too. *g* Thanks D.

Friday:
*thinks* hmm...that was lastnight....went and picked my mom up from the RoadKing in Sherwood Park and had a very interesting chat with and got to know the Chaplin there a little better while my mom finished her talk with another fellow. I took her to my place to pick up my son and then we were off to East Side Marios.... OK, if a person is on a sugar(read carbohydrate) reduced diet, DON'T go to East Side Marios. Fuck I love pasta. *hangs head* Ok, so I had to allow myself to indulge. But when my mom and son ordered icecream after, no matter how hard they tried to tempt me I refused to budge. I had already had my desert as far as I was concerned. Went to be at midnight, slept in until 5:05a and woke in such a coughing fit as my throat was dry. Not to mention I have had a chest cold since last Sunday. A minor one considering the last two were borderline deathly(at least that was how they felt at the time). And after coughing out the yick and drinking two glasses of water, I read a bit from a book that I am supposed to give to Rodicon(when I finally see her *sigh* *g*) and fell asleep till just after 11a. That last 5 hrs was a good one too as I had a VERY interesting dream to do with being in a movie filmed on a historical but supernatural battlefield. Where the course of the battle was being reinacted in a weird(no combatants visible) fashion. It did not interfere with the filming but when we were standing on the field of battle we could see the ghostly stratagies being executed and it was completely unnerving. I think there was an airship involved too...but that could have been a part of the movie. Oh, and there was sex.....heh.

Satyrday:
Ok. So today..cooked breakfast for me and son...finish project, do all laundry, and my son is playing D&D with his friends tonight so it's a fine opportunity to go out and head out to Suburbs later. At least, that's the plan.

A Parable

2006-02-22T23:14:00.001-08:00

A man and his son are walking single file through the forest. The man was so absorbed in showing his son nature at it's finest that he wasn't watching where he was stepping. Suddenly, he tripped over a treeroot and with an exclaimation fell to the forest floor. His son who was following along behind him skipped over the protruding root and came to his father's side. The father, slightly embarrassed, grinned then and took his son's profferred hand and stood up. The father, shaking his head but still smiling, toed the root then turned and they continued walking down the path, this time keeping an eye on the ground in front of him. The son eyed the root, then followed after his father, dividing his attention equally now between the ground in front of him as well as the next wonder of nature his father continued to point out.

It's a bit weak, and I was pretty tired when I wrote this....so...you know...

Learning To Love The Night

2006-02-21T22:02:00.000-08:00

In the Light of the Waking Day

2006-02-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

So, today is a beautiful day. I just needed to say that again.

I want to go to bed, but there are things I should be doing today. I should finish cleaning the dishes, tidy up the basement and do laundry, and sew H's costume. I'm tired, but I feel good.

Suburbs lastnight was kind of a different animal. Just a feeling for me really, but a reality for others I think. And that is their story to tell. The music was great though and I drank alot of Glenfiddich. I didn't get sick, but I couldn't drive right off when we were ready to leave. So it was N and I tripping to the nearest Tim Hortens, but they didn't have any food other than donuts and muffins so we walked down to Humpty's on 107th Ave and 104 Street. It wasn't cold on the way there, but we had to get a taxi back as the wind was in our face and it was quite cold. Finally sober, I drove us back to N's where we had some tea and during the course of the conversation we fell asleep. Those couches certainly are comfortable. 8:40a arrives, quite sunnily, before we woke. I went home shortly thereafter.

An interesting bit, he has The Book of Enoch and has lent it to me. I've been looking for this book at a price I can afford ever since I wanted to play Kingdom Come. However, now because I'm not now playing I stopped actively looking for it. It's always in hindsight that I find myself saying, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen". It nearly always does.

More updates later.

2006-02-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

Car.

Issues.

Yep, late for work.

Dammit.

But. I. Fixed. It.

Nice car, good car.

Dreams in the Sky

2006-02-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

It's not often that I have(or remember) dreams. I think it is because I do not get enough sleep in the night to get into them. But early this morning I had a brief dream that was quite vivid and detailed.

I was living in the future, in a world that had seen advancements in space exploration. Which is to say the spaceships of the time were much prettier...and shiny. I was traveling through a lightly wooded area to a house belonging to a mother and son. I don't remember why I was going there, but when I arrived in the yard the sky started to darken to twilight. I looked up then and saw a silver slightly futuristic A-10 Thunderbolt cross the sky low overhead and come to a hover right above the yard at about 100ft. Then another ship flew in coming to a hover. This one was blimp shaped and the lights on it were streaming down its flank. I thought then that a battle was going to occur because all of a sudden the sky was filled with aircraft and spacecraft of all different shapes, sizes and luminescence. The wind started to whip and I had this strange premonition that caused me to look at the open garage attached to the house I was going to and all I could see were strobe like striped lights, lighting up the inside of the dark garage. I felt at that time a compulsion to turn around and I saw that the Mother and her small son were standing behind me. I told them that I thought that *they*, the ships, were here for her and her son. She looked at me then guided her son to a large box partially buried in the ground. They got in and she drew the lid down on top of her. Effectively hiding her from *sight*. I didn't think that she was safe though as the box was rather flimsy. I thought perhaps going into the house would be a better plan but it didn't seem that she was afraid. She just calmly went into the box with her son. I woke just after that. Teh thing that struck me most was the detail of the crafts and that they were quite brilliant and sleek and covered in lights. It was the most amazing thing I wasn't afraid. And I quite vividly remember the A-10 Thunderbolt. I do wonder what happened to her and her son though. It was very strange.

Mood: Melancholy

2006-02-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

Home is behind

The world ahead

And there are many paths to tread

Through shadow

To the edge of night

Until the stars are all alight

Mist and shadow

Cloud and shade

All shall fade

All shall...fade

Lyrics by Billy Boyd

This song accompanied me to work today. I like it alot, but this morning it seemed rather poignant.

As I was driving on 167th Ave to 66th Street(on my way to work) I looked up in the eastern sky, the sun was just rising and saw a jet and it's contrail streaking slowly up across the sky. It lifted that something inside me that revels in flying. The pilot left his mark, however temporary, and it never fails to inspire. It didn't stay long..but it was beautiful while it was there.

Lastnight's AntiValentine's Day Party was pretty subdued and not many showed, but it was nice to relax and socialize with people I don't know well. I brought chocolate for everyone as my contribution to the evening. It was given to me earlier in the day and because I have decided to cut sugar and bad carbs from my diet I wasn't going to eat them....as much as I longed too. *sigh*

By the time I drove R and N home it was nearly 2am...again. Damn, I really HAVE to stop staying up so late. Coffee only goes so far first thing in the morning. And I have been putting off a project lately too because work and other activities have been taking up so damned much of my free time. Well, the banquet is over now so I won't be working very late any longer. Nor through the weekend. But this week is really busy too. Monday was Taekwondo, Tuesday the get together(yeh, I could have passed but I didn't), Weds-tonight Jeff's Seahawks Football Team has their Annual General Meeting at 7p which we have to attend to sign him up(which means I might miss taekwondo at 8p.)so it is better to cancel the Taekwondo class I think for this week, because Thursday is BP's night which I am going to attend but not for long or late as I need to work on the project I have been putting off completing. I need to work on it Weds, Thurs and Friday too, as the person I am doing it for needs it really soon. I know I can finish it in a couple of hours, it's just getting the time set aside to do that. So the next three days I am making a concerted effort.

I will be going to Suburbs this Saturday however. I need that fix. And it is a long weekend coming up isn't it. So that's good too, as I really need the downtime(read sleep).

Well, I should get to work now...procrastinating here is a mistake. Too much to do, not enough time to complete it. *bigsigh*

2006-02-13T21:19:00.000-08:00

I am falling down exhausted tonight. Was in bed by 3am lastnight, worked all day, drove home and got my workout clothes then headed off to the Westend to my first Taekwondo class.

I am very impressed with the instructor(as it should be). There were three of us - Leaha and I and another fellow in the class, and that was it. I expected to start at the very beginning but he had us doing things that were not for beginners. Some more advanced moves that I know I have to work on. Hard. He had some encouraging words for me afterward and I really appreciated it.

Work tomorrow, then the AntiValentine Party. Of which I think I will attend, and I think interested parties will know why if for no other reason. *g*

2006-02-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

So. I went to bed, slept, woke at 8:30a got up, ordered roomservice(!)(*g*), tipped the Bellman $5., explained the 10000 Dreams Interpreted book I had lying on the bed, watched Elizabethtown while eating breakfast in bed, in just my underthings, showered, dressed in a leasurely fashion, called down to have a late checkout because my ride would be late, watched the first 15 minutes of Top Gun(a favorite of mine)("That was a MIG-28!! No one's been this close before!"), tidied up my bag, did a last check of my room for my stuff, and departed...

Ride is here !! Off and gone, bye! Or see ya soon.

2006-02-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

So, it's over. And it's bloody late. The banquet/auction ran long and we didn't get out of there until 10 to 1am. In anycase, my ride home is wishywashy about when they want to drive home. I think they want to stay for lunch which means I won't get home until about 4p maybe 5p.

Having said that, this weekend was a pretty good success workwise, and I didn't have a bad time all told.

I'm coming home.

2006-02-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

Posting from the hotel computer here in Calgary. Got the evening to myself so I'm going dancing. Apparently the Warehouse is supposed to be good. I heard the Machine is good too..if it is still there. Gonna go check it out. Need to dance tonight. Wish me luck in this strange city.

I had dinner earlier in this huge restaurant called the Smuggler's Inn. Whoo..Very nice place, such atmosphere....all I could think of is this would be a great place to host a Vampire game. Yep. Very nice. Expensive as hell though...but many levels and the lighting fixtures were swank!!! Captain Jack Sparrow would be right at home. Hehe. Seriously!

Miss you guys.

Update: I AM A SUBURBS SNOB!

The Warehouse was....interesting. When I first got there I wasn't sure if I should be upstairs with the dj or down with the bands. I chose upstairs as techno is...well, alright. yeh. $22. cover charge!!!! What's with that??? And when I went in...the dj was playing ACDC techno! *sigh* I dislike ACDC. And I hate to say this but it didn't register at first but I caught it when some guy lit up and started smoking like a chimney. *hangs head* I am such a Suburbs snob. And happy to be. My clothes reek dammit.

It is what it is.

2006-02-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

Fuck you Kneejerk Reaction. I won't be subjected to your whim. I am in control of my own and I will live it as it is, not as you deem.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." --From Hamlet (I, v, 166-167)

And I will endeavor to live in harmony with them.

2006-02-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

It is what it is.

2006-02-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

Something freakish has been happening. Having lost about 40 lbs in the past year and a half, I've been at a plateau regarding weightloss over the past month or so, but since cutting added sugar and high carb foods from my diet(as of Sunday), I have dropped 15+ pounds since then. I'm not really eating less, except less(no) junkfood. Yeah, it's a lot and fast but I know I'm not going overboard on this. Perhaps I'll wait another week before getting too excited.

That being said, I need to go buy a new belt today. My belt is on the last hole!!! No more holes left to cinch up. Maybe a new pair of shoes too, the two regular pair I have are worn through. Hmm...Jeff needs a pair too so maybe we can kill two birds there. Yes *g*

2006-02-07T20:30:00.000-08:00

If I get through this week, I am seriously considering taking some vacation time.

Lastnight..ok, early this morning, sometime between 1:30a and 2a I finally got to bed. Yeah, self inflicted, but worth it. I set my alarm and lay down composed to...sleep. I was so tired though. A heavy lethargy(erily physical) blanketed me and I knew nothing until 8:53a this morning. Yeaahhh...I was way late for work. What the hell happened to my alarm? It was set, I checked. It was a good sleep though, and I dreamed. I can't remember now what I dreamed, but it has been a long time.

I hung a couple pictures today. It was curiously satisfying. And I cleared the diningroom some also. Almost usable again.

I've decided that Peaches aren't something I am going to give up. Yeah, I don't get them enough to make a big difference anyways. Except in my own head...and tongue. Mmm... Sobeys had some today. They aren't quite ripe, but I'll let em chill for a bit and if it gets sunny I might rest one on the sill before eating *g*

2006-02-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

Diet Dr. Pepper.....yes, one half of the equation solved.

Today was kind of a hard day to get through. Work was especially trying and damned if I didn’t feel like breaking into tears at one point. What’s with that?

I am hoping tomorrow is better.

2006-02-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

Suburbs lastnight was quite decent, though my ears...yeah my right ear is still ringing. There was this one song early in the evening that was so loud it made me cringe and lose rhythem a few times. I am hoping it's only temporary. I danced and danced! And danced some more with N quite a bit, and with R a few times also. What a great way to get exercise and you know what? I found something this morning that pleases me to no end, my knees aren't nearly as sore as they have been in the past when dancing all night. This means my fitness must be improving. Fucking awesome! It's just the encouragement I need to renew my determination to lose this excess weight and shape up.

Another inspiration though is N. Aside from looking and feeling better, I know medically I am headed for more problems than the ones I have now if I don't reduce the weight. Soon. My biological father died at age 44 of a cardiac arrest and I don't want to be following in those steps. So it's yoga in the morning along with some calethetics(pushups and situps) each of which I enjoy immensely and dancing in my basement to an industrial compilation of favorite songs. Also, I have resolved to reduce my sugar intake and learn to cook on a lower carb level. It's a big change, and I know it won't be easy. I really do want to live a long, and be able to offer that health and longevity to my future lifemate. **Edit: No assumptions there.

It's amazing, the people that time brings into your life. To help teach you what you need to get through to the next stage.

Lastly, I spent from 3:30a(after Suburbs) to 9:30a in Humpty's with N just talking. I was so tired but we covered quite a few topics. No, no details, except to say I have had a lot to review today and I am more sure now the direction I'd like to go. Also, I am more certain that Channeling Viggo was indeed inspired...not however by Viggo. The title didn't feel right by the time I finished writing it.

A year to grow into

2006-02-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

Few words can describe the quiet contentment I feel today.

Lastnight was very full and once again I didn't close my eyes until 5:30a. The techno was a little more than I am used to dancing to but the final song was brilliant. A vocal of Dervish's choosing of which I didn't know the words, but the melody was soothing. And Mitternacht...*sigh* Worth the price of admission right there.

I drove N home, and went in for a little while....actually we talked in my car for about an hour but I had to ask to use his wc because I had to pee so bad it hurt. We talked in his front room for a while, he showed me his trinket boxes. I am such a fiend for teh shiny. And books...need a better look at those sometime. Of course I was just a little guilty of keeping him up late when he did have to work today. Difficult to let something that pleasant end. I left shortly after 5a.

We're meeting at Suburbs tonight. We've agreed the music is much better on Saturday nights. My son is going to be D&Ding with his friends tonight too so I don't have to worry about him. Also, it wasn't really a hard sell to have the chance to see him again so soon.

I 'm going out with my Mom and Jeff for lunch now. Mom is taking me for Sushi as she was not able to take me on my birthday. Heh, last year was a crappy birthday. So far this year has shaped into something so much better :)

2006-01-29T16:48:00.000-08:00

Falling Hard

That feeling you get when you’ve just kicked over the stick
And there’s the free float of your heart in your throat
Mind thinking three steps ahead. But it’s not so bad
And dreams are better these days

Solitude is leavened with sweet moments
But time winds slowly. Has it only been a week?
Cool. Easy. Yes, I can deal with time
And savor the journey, as it goes

It shouldn’t be this easy to fall
And I am falling hard
For as long as wind and frame will support me
I dare to fly

And at this moment...I am bloody terrified!

2006-01-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

Breathe
In, two, three, four
Out, two, three, four

Voices
Filter, static recedes
His presence is known

Magic
Cadence slow, metered
Mellow notes rumble

Dreamer
He whispers, warm in my ear
Lulling me through sweet sleep

Soulfinder
Freedom is his message
Calling my spirit to soar

It is still midnight.

Post Script:
Channeling Viggo.
I thought of that this morning while driving to work, and the feeling of those two words prompted this, loosely termed, grouping of words. So I started writing on an envelope. My son thinks I shouldn't use it as a title though. Says it's creepy. And I am not entirely convinced those words apply to what has been written. Pretentious of me to think I could translate to words. I really can hear the voice, I guess it just isn't mine to define. Ok it's late and I ramble into incoherence.

Dervish

2005-11-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

Painted with memories
A map of life and love
Beauty, deeper than skin
Eyecatching, mesmerizing

I watch, eyes closed
As you pick invisible strings
Wholly tangeable vibrations
From the air

Pick It

2005-11-25T07:51:00.000-08:00

When I was just five years old
I, just a little pippet
Used to get boogies in my nose
And I would have to pick it

I'd pick it in the morning
And in the evening too
I used to collect them with my friends
And stir up a Hullubaloo

I'd show them to my sister
And display for all to see
On plates and cups and napkins
Mister, would you like to join me for tea?

2005-11-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not a great writer so this is going to take some time to finish all around. Not all of what I have/need to say/do will take place here so to those who are reading this, but haven't a clue what's has happened, I'm sorry. I am not sure if any explaination I can make wants to be heard, or apologies accepted but it needs to be said. Again, not all of it will take place here, however hopefully in the end, the right parties will know what they need to.

To start, I am truely sorry. I'm as disappointed in myself(for the very reasons stated) as I know others are in me.

But this medium is not the place to try and rectify things. Tomorrow, when it isn't so late in the night I fully plan to try on a more personal level. I saw this too late in the evening to do it right from the start.

Pro Rege et Patria

2005-11-12T00:10:00.000-08:00

Major John Keefer Mahony
Melfa River, Italy
May 24th, 1944
The Westminster Regiment

John Keefer Mahony was born in New Westminster, British Columbia, on the 30th of June 1911. He received his education at the Duke of Connaught High School, New Westminster and then entered the world of journalism as a reporter with the 'Vancouver Province'. Prior to the outbreak of war he had been an officer in the Westminster Regiment of the militia and he was among the first to enlist for active service. On the cessation of hostilities he remained in the army until 1962 serving successively as Commandant Cadet Officer of the Western Command, Director of Publications for the Canadian Army and Assistant Adjutant and Quartermaster-General of the Western Ontario Area. On the 5th of April 1954, Lieutenant-Colonel Mahony went to Washington, D.C. as Canadian Army Liaison Officer. He retired to London, Ontario where he engaged in youth work. At his own request, he was buried without a military funeral. He died on the 16th of December 1990.

Citation

On the 24th May, 1944, "A" Company of the Westminster Regiment (Motor), under the command of Major Mahony, was ordered to establish the initial bridgehead across the River Melfa.
The enemy still had strong forces of tanks.....

Present day...
I left the house this morning with no clear destination in mind, with a report that there were Rememberance Day Ceremonies at City Hall and the Mutart Conservatory. The Royal Edmonton Regiment Museum also had some activities. I knew there was a cenotaph at the Legion hall on 82nd Street and 111th Ave also. I didn't know where to go as I left at about 10:15am but I figured I would just head towards downtown and see. I took 82nd street south and was stopped at a red light on 153ave when I glanced over at the car beside me. And lo..sitting in the passenger seat was a kid in a green beret, a cadet. Huh. I had an idea then and rolled down my window. I started waving my hand to get his attention and mimed rolling down his window when he looked over. He got this puzzled look on his face and said something to the driver. I mimed again and after getting another odd look from the driver, he rolled it down. Without thinking it through, the first words out of my mouth were, "Where are you guys going?".....Another odd look later and I realized what I had said and so decided to elaborate. I pointed to my forehead, tapping it lightly, and asked again where they were going. It took another couple seconds for them to get my...meaning and the cadet(with the beret on his head) spoke up then saying they were going to the Cenotaph Parade at the Legion Hall. The light changed then and after smiling my thanks we moved out.

Now for a bit of history. From age 14 to the day I turned 19 I was a cadet with the 1922 Royal Westminster Regiment Army Cadets in Aldergrove, BC. Each year with that corp I paraded in the Rememberance Day Ceremonies. I also did a stint as Cenotaph Guard for two of those years. Those were some defining, character building years that have carried me through to this day. Being a Cadet with The Westies were good, good years, and I was very proud to represent.

And this is where it starts to get interesting.

I knew where I was going then. And it occurred to me that I had been willing to let fate decide where I would end up today. And as always, She stepped up. Three times.

I arrived at the Cenotaph at about fifteen to eleven. The parking lot was filled with people and I saw that the cadets were assembling just around the edge of the Legion building. I made my way through the crowd until I had a fairly clear view of the dias and didn't have to wait more than a couple of minutes when the flag party was marched on along with the cadet guard. It made me smile. Two different Cadet units represented today. There were the requisite speeches and then we sang O Canada. Now I haven't sung this song in many many years. I knew the words though and today I really felt good singing our National Anthem aloud and from the heart. And then dear Fate turned her little 5 year old head right around and looked up at me as I was singing the last three lines. And I felt..It...in that moment. She, this little child, was who and what we are standing guard for. I felt a lot in that fleeting moment and in the end I couldn't help but smile as I finished those three lines looking down at her, singing them to her. And you know, she smiled at me too.

Only two cadets *fell* out of formation during the proceedings. Pale and near to fainting both took a knee before they thundered in. Wise. *smile* Roadrash on the nose hurts.

So the ceremonies concluded and I offered to help a Veteran take some pictures of himself with a few other Lady Veterans on the Cenotaph dias. And then I was asked by MLA Billy Bonko to take his picture with those same Veterans. He was nice.

It was time to go inside then and I lined up with all the other *adults* to go into the main celebration hall. It felt weird because usually(yeah ok so a long time ago) I would spend the afterward with the rest of the cadets chowing down on hotdogs and kool-aid. So, as the line moved down Memory Lane I was able to see a bit of the history of this particular Legion and it's members. There were old pictures of soldiers and countrysides from long ago, plaques and framed lists of both the living and fallen.

And then...yeppers, Fate was standing around the corner at the head of that line.

Apparently it was $5 to get into the Main Hall for the *after* celebrations and I didn't have it. Oh well I sighed, and I broke out of line to have a look at the rest of the pictures and plaques. The last framed display tucked away near the foot of some stairs caught my eye. It was a memorial to about twelve Victoria Cross recipients.

The Victoria Cross

The Victoria Cross is the British realm’s highest award for gallantry in the face of the enemy. It has precedence over any other of our Sovereign’s awards or Commonwealth decorations.
The Victoria Cross was founded by Royal Warrant on 29 January 1856. The Cross itself is cast from the bronze of cannons captured at Sevastopol during the Crimean War. The design, chosen by Queen Victoria, consists of a cross with the Royal Crest resting upon a scroll bearing the words ‘For Valour’.

Each of the twelve recipients -read Heros- were depicted by a colour sketch under which were the place, date where they had earned this award were written. As I looked over these men I began to see something that I had been needing over the past months, and I was finding it there on that wall. These men were true Heros, their stories moving.

And I recognized one of them.

I just couldn't place where I had seen this person before. "Why did he look so familiar?" Went through my mind. I glanced around at the others then wondering, crazily, if any of the others were familiar. And no they weren't, but it was then I noticed that under each picture and their write-up were the Cap Badges of their respective Regiments. I looked back at this so familiar face and looked down and saw my Regimental Cap Badge.

Major John Keefer Mahony was a member of The Westminster Regiment, long ago. He was a Hero and I remembered then that his photograph was hung in our Cadet Corp.

All this may not mean anything to anyone else, but tonight I sit here and write about this experience because I still need to thank a Veteren today. Major Mahony was a Veteran, a Hero, and a Citizen who represented Canada in defending our borders.

So to Major John Keefer Mahony, and indeed to all Veterans everywhere, you have my heartfelt thanks and admiration for going above and beyond to keep safe all that we are as a Nation, our ideals, people and way of life.

But you should know that I am sad. Sad that there is such hate in this world that you had to be tried to the end of your limit to maintain these things. And so I'll leave this post with a poem that even now, though I have read it many times, makes me cringe and want to rail for those who perished so terribly in wars that should never be.

Dulce et Decorum est Pro Patria Mori

Grey Bones

2005-11-05T18:27:00.000-08:00

Even with nature
They are nearly skeletal now
Dead flames beneath upright branches

Ravens glossy black
Flip their wings in silent vigil
Bones left and another generation passes

Scales have tipped
'Quid pro quo' is nature's motto
And for a time, all is right with the world

A rather amazing, if not necessarily new, turn...

2005-10-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

Wow. Excellent. And now I am eager to see this play.

This is important

2005-10-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

Get it. Link it. Pass it on.

Black Rain

Well that's somethin.

2005-10-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

River Tam has just made the List

And I want the pic of her...with the axe...and the sword...and...and hell yeah!

My Mom told me a story once about when I was a little girl. She told me that when I would hurt myself she used to comfort me. She'd pick me up and rock me and say, "You're ok. You're ok sweety. It's alright, you'll be ok." You know how mothers get with their little children. She went on to relate that one time I had cut myself really badly on a tin can lid out in the yard and the pad of my right ring finger was sliced almost clean off. Well, she said I walked in the house, holding my wrist, bleeding all over. My mom took one horrified look and wrapped it up in a teatowel and took me to the hospital. The doctors had to wrap me in a netlike thing to keep me still while they stitched me up. Because I just wouldn't.
Claustrophobia is my friend.
Though to this day I remember nothing after cutting myself. And the story goes that when I walked into the house bleeding profusely, up to that point I hadn't cried. Shock. All I could say to my mom as she was wrapping my hand was, "I'm ok. I'm ok. I'm ok." Repeating that over and over while I tearfully broke down.

Does anyone else feel like they need to see it again? Worse almost than the first time?

Third favorite quote: "WHY ISN'T ANYONE FIRING AT THEM!!"
Second favorite quote: ....Something Zoe said...f*ck if I can remember...and dammit, I wanted to remember that one!!!
Hardest hitting and favorite quote: *whispers* "I am a leaf in the wi"

Pledge of Blood

2005-09-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

Even though I live up here in Canada I have been trying to think of a way to help the victims of Katrina and Rita. I don't have a lot of money, being a single mother, but I am going to donate to the American Red Cross for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, I'm mailing that off tomorrow.

I have also made another pledge. I will be heading to the Canadian Blood Services tomorrow and donating blood. Though it likely will not help those victims of Katrina and now Rita, I hope to honour them by it..and it will help those in need here. I am pledging to donate blood once every two months for one year. This is not something I've done on a regular basis(only 3 times over the past 5 years) but I can't think of a better time to or opportunity than now to make this pledge. 'It is in me to give.' So I will. Tomorrow after work I will go to the Canadian Blood Services here in Edmonton and give my first donation.

The Firetrees are Famous

2005-09-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Cars line the shoulder of the busy street
And I wonder if the city planners could see the future
Tricks from bygone days

The flames rise, a furious burst of heat
And crash down to rest on the earth below
Fall memories spent

Shutters click, to capture the moment
Drivers turn and stare in rapt wonder
Paint is transfered

jb

King of Clocks

2005-09-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

Antikythera Mechanism - Very cool. Lara Croft probably has one. Hee.

This next is for Rodicon.

In the Beginning there was Aristotle,
and objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
and objects in motion tended to come to rest,
and soon everything was at rest,
and God saw that it was boring.

Then God created Newton;
objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
but objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
and energy was conserved and momentum was conserved and matter was conserved,
and God saw that it was conservative.

Then God created Einstein,
and everything was relative,
and fast things became short,
and straight things became curved,
and the universe was filled with inertial frames,
and God saw that it was relatively general
but some of it was especially relative.

Then God created Bohr,
and there was the Principle,
and the Principle was Quantum,
and all things were quantified,
but some things were still relative,
and God saw that it was confusing.

Then God was going to create Furgeson,
and Furgeson would have unified,
and he would have fielded a theory,
and All would have been One,
but it was the Seventh Day and God rested,
and objects at rest tend to remain at rest.

Tim Joseph - pm Analog Dec Â75

Not a lot I want to talk about here just now. I just wanted to share a bit.

A wish..

2005-09-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

"Far above the Ephel Dúath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

Been reading the LotR Appendices this weekend. It was neat to discover more of the story, both before and after the Trilogy.

No simple thing...

2005-08-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

I have to say that this weekend has been quite an emotional one. Thursday was the release of the Final Turn of the Purgatory's second chronicle. Friday saw the final Purgatory game which was another moving evening(though I want to kill my cobbler). Saturday was a nice break, but then there was Ian and Val's BBQ on Sunday evening. Seriously, so damned emotional, even though much was kept inside. It's almost bloody painful to know it will be six months before we get back into the game and seeing all those familiar faces again.

And then something inside turned in one of my last conversations of Sunday evening. People were saying how sad they felt and how they will miss each other in the intervening months off and another spoke up and said it didn't have to end. All we needed to do was make an effort to see each other outside of Purgatory. We just had to pick up the phone or email each other and just make some plans. It was a simple solution. And it made all the difference.

And when I think on it, feeling this way tells me that though I do not spend a lot of time with the people I have come to know over the last ten months, they have made a significant place in my life that I have come to cherish. And I can smile through the wistfulness of this seeming ending and know I have a good thing in those friends and the experiences we have had together, and will again.

....

Now, if the Purgatory site would just come back up so I could start one of those emails.

In dreams...

2005-08-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've kinda been hooked on peaches lately.

Sobey's has these huge perfect peaches and they smell so bloody great. They aren't quite ripe yet. Transport them that way and they ripen just in time to get to your fridge. Unless you pick them when they are first put out on display. Then, not so much.

But leave them on your sill for a couple of days and...

... oh.

About Phish. And other things I learned this weekend.

2005-08-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I survived Alford Lake and the Outdoor Women's Seminar! (I should have bought the t-shirt).

What a bagdriven week(end). I went into work last Wednesday and didn't come home till late Sunday night. At about 11am on Wednesday my boss and I departed for the Alford Lake Women's Seminar. This seminar was a four day affair where approximately 140 women and about 50 support staff and volunteer instructors come and camp out in tent's, RV's or cabins for the weekend and experience the outdoors. There were seminars on archery, boat safety licencing, firearms safety, building walking sticks, chainsaw basics, fly tying, fly fishing, shotgun, map and compass, surviving the extremes, outdoor cooking, using a GPS, digital cameras, do's and don'ts of what to eat and not eat in the bush, trailering, and wildlife identification and utilization. There were also evening activities like building an Inukshuk(that was cool), rock painting(also cool with some really great imaginative people). In all the weekend was a complete success. Any glitches were easily solved. After all the bloody administrative work we did leading up to the seminar, being there was almost a blessed release. I wasn't required to do much of anything work related accept take as many sessions as I could. To round out my experence so I'll be better informed when the 2006 OWS comes around. I really had a good time and learned alot. I got my boating licence which is sweet. The best session though was Surviving the Extremes. I learned how to build a fire in three minutes with nothing but three matches and a few twigs. The real challenge there was that it had been raining off and on for the previous day so any of the obvious firestarting materials I could find in the bush were pretty wet. Also, for the first 3 nights at about 10:30pm we walked down the road away from camp in the pitch black and did some stargazing. This was exceptionally fine as on Sunday at about 3am it was the peak of the Perseids meteor shower. It rained all Saturday night(the fourth night) though. Thurs and Fri night were clear though and we saw some spectacular meteors and even the Northern Lights on Friday's viewing!
The worst part was all the mosquitos. Well, that and I didn't have any proper camping clothes. So the bugspray I had went on my 'not camping' clothes as well as any exposed skin. My washer has been going non-stop today. Bleh. Really, it wasn't so bad though. Besides the off and on rainshowers, I did get to sleep in a cabin(I opted for hard quarters), the food was all catered, and if you got up at 6am there wasn't a long lineup for the showers. So yeah, we were kinda roughing it....and kinda not. Heh. Sunday came however and so did the end of the seminar. It was kind of poignant really. I met alot of really nice people there, a few I even exchanged contact information with. As I watched everyone saying good-bye I realized that no matter how tired I was, I was going to miss this. It felt like we were ending a really great *long* running production and we were not going to see any of these new friends we made again. Or at least another year.

I was given the day off today to recoup which I must say has been lovely. I needed it because I also had to pick up my son from the airport Sunday night. So I didn't actually get home until almost 11pm lastnight. He had also made previous arrangements to have a friend over as a welcome home party lastnight. Then, today another two of his friends came over to visit, one of which is now staying over till Thursday afternoon. This friend is visiting from BC for the week. It's all good though I guess as on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night they(my son and his friend) will be staying together in a hotel with the friend's parents for the friend's sister's wedding. Yay!

One last thing. I discovered two new bands this weekend who's music is pretty great. The first has two members who are the son's of my boss. The two brothers were jamming on accoustical guitars with a couple others in the mess hall the first night there and their sound was absolute bliss. Their band is called the Nonrabbits.....eheh, yeah that's what I was thinking. In anycase, they are a jam band and play some funky bluesy music among other things. They have performed in concert, and are in the process of publishing some of their works. The other is a jam band called Phish. I've been listening to these guys all night tonight and they aren't bad. Relaxing. So far my favorite song is one called Prince Caspian. One of the son's was playing it(a brilliant 17yr old musician) on Weds night and I asked who played/wrote it. He said it was by a band called Phish. Absolutely fine song. I also love the lyrics for Billy Breathes too, though I haven't heard the song yet. Love that Breaks all Lines is sounding pretty fine too. I'm redoubling my efforts to practice my accoustical guitar playing. I very much want to make music like that .

So that's what I've been up to. 5 days 4 nights at camp making some great memories with some great people, promoting a greater collective awareness of the outdoors and all it's inherent wonders. A job with perks. I like.

G'knight.

Bruises

2005-08-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

Work's been kinda tough lately. We've put on 2 Youth Camps and are currently preparing an Outdoor Women's Seminar this coming weekend. I generally love these kinds of outdoor events. Problem is, I have never been on the 'organization from scratch' side of the registration table. It is alot of bloody hard and complicated work! I mean, try organizing 150 women into 91 sessons, and accomodations over 4 days. And I really wish I knew what the end result was supposed to look like so I could have taylored my registration spreadsheet to keep the workload to a minimum. As a result we are scrambling, big time. It's getting done, but we're putting in some really long hours to manhandle it into something clean enough to work with. A friend recently told me that mistakes lead to wisdom. It's a nice thought. And I'll know better next time eh?

On another note. We went to a staff meeting in Calgary over the weekend. After the meeting, which was out at the Calgary AHEIA Firearms Centre, we got to do some Trap shooting. Now, I have shot both smallbore and fullbore, in competition even. I've also fired a shotgun before too, just never at a moving target. But I tell you it was bloody great! I couldn't stop grinning. I hit quite a few clay targets, missed almost as many, what a blast. I put almost 60 rounds downrange in a two hour period. So fun. Yesterday and today I've been paying the price though. It's been years since I shot anything and my shoulders(yes both) have been screaming. Apparently holding a gun in a standing shooting stance over a couple hours being repeatedly butted in the right shoulder will do a number on you. Even if you are having a good time. Yep. They've been screaming..but it's one of those sorta good hurts, like a stretchy sorness you get from working out too hard. I can't wait to go again.

Shiny Objects

2005-07-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

I guess everyone collects things from time to time. Usually it's something specific people have a fancy for. Jewelry, books, music, cars, bugs, you know. For me, it's mail. Everyday I come home and find my mailbox stuffed with mail. Mail from banks, flyers, mail from the tax man, those credit card companies, utility/phone/cable bills, and don't forget friends and family from time to time. It's fun to open it and see what's inside.

I welcome it all. Except...

It seems, you see, that I run a halfway house in my home. Yep, that's gotta be it, because I also get R. Smith's mail and L. Harvey's mail and E. Dent's mail and about 6 others(names changed to protect identities) equally unknown but apparent residents. I have been residing here for over a year now and still I get mail for people, only one of whom I can identify as I took this place over from them. What do you do when people, mostly government agencies and those aforementioned credit card companies, keep sending you other peoples mail? How long do you keep firing it back with big red "MOVED" or "NOT THIS ADDRESS" messages handwritten across the front? And you'd think these addressees would be wondering where their mail is. I know I'd be making some phonecalls if my banking/tax/medical/credit letters and notices were not being sent to me.

So I have this collection of other people's mail that, if I don't immediately fire back, will undoubtedly end up in the flyers pile to be taken out with the next garbage run.
And you know what the biggest frustration of all this is? I am so very tempted to open one or two of these incoming misdirects and see just what's inside. But I don't. Crap.

Post Script: Have you seen the King Kong trailer yet?!? Awesome, isnnit!!!!!

..because everyone has curves

2005-07-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

And sweeps
With still and slender grace
That gentle curve to trace
Angled. Soft.
Perched on movement's edge
Till swaying
Arms, hands, spine
Ecstasy, etched on shuttered face
And distant
I fall in love
jb

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." Gandalf - LOTR

2005-07-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

I think defining your life, at times, by wanting to get out and do new and challenging things or develop current friendships and make new ones is great as far as aspirations go. Just be doing it because you want and need to, not because it seems like something you should be doing.

Up until a couple of weeks ago I never wanted or needed to drive a Semi. This last weekend I asked my Mom to teach me how to drive hers next time she is in town. I want to do this now, because it is something I've never done. And opportunity might not knock for very much longer. I may never need to drive one to support myself, but I can be happy with saying I can do it if it ever came up.

Life decides, sometimes, to grab you by the heart strings and tell you it's time to define your life for a while by going out of your way to learn/play/do something new.

I can't help but go with it.

Footnote: This, my first post, is in response to a friend's post.